


listen how, under the breastbone, the rhythm changes

by seaworn



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Sappy, Yuuri is overwhelmed, Yuuri's POV, after episode 7, being in love, but in a good way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 04:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12833727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaworn/pseuds/seaworn
Summary: “It's - I want to show you how I feel about you,” he said to Viktor, staring into the abyss of his eyes, his eyes that never stopped surprising Yuuri with all their different hues of blue.“I see it, Yuuri,"  Viktor said. His voice was a low rumble, breath tickling Yuuri. He was so close to him.“Words fail me,"  Yuuri shuddered, overwhelmed and overheated.





	listen how, under the breastbone, the rhythm changes

Yuuri had to take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. Close his eyes for a moment. He rolled his ankles to relieve the pressure in them. First the left, then the right. There wasn’t anything wrong, really – he was just very careful and didn’t want any unnecessary injuries at this point.

Lately, everything had been moving fast. Yuuri felt like he was on the ice all the time, spinning rapidly until everything around him went fuzzy.  It was hard to grasp everything that had happened in the past couple of weeks.

Since the Cup of China, things had started to snowball – in real life, and in Yuuri’s head. It seemed like his performance had really opened everyone’s eyes to Katsuki Yuuri who’d been – despite his earlier international success – staying in the back when it came to news-worthy, talented skaters. After his performance, he’d gotten multiple interview requests. Morning shows, skype interviews, email interviews,  _LGBT magazines_.

That one was because of the kiss. Looking back, him rambling about Viktor and the power of love in the press conference about his theme of the year, had been  _really_ obvious. But the kiss had sealed the deal.

Yuuri had even gotten twenty thousand new Instagram followers since that. That was  _insane._

He was confused about all of this, obviously. The craziness around him, the sudden interest in him. But that wasn’t why he felt so restless all the time. It was because of him and Viktor and what had happened between them, how Yuuri’s emotions of feeling affection, gratitude and admiration towards Viktor had changed to something more solid and concrete since the kiss.

It wasn't like Yuuri had never felt love or lust. He'd just never had those feelings act with such a huge, unstoppable, earth-shaking, world-changing force. He’d dreamed of Viktor for most of his life, but not even his wildest dreams could have prepared him for the enormous wave of emotions coursing through him in a constant stream. He was holding his breath all the time, being afraid that his lungs would fill with water if he wasn't careful. It was like an impending panic attack. It was  _nothing_ like a panic attack.

Yuuri felt urgency in his every action. Urgency to keep everything as it was now, new and fragile and all-senses-consuming. Urgency to move forward, to have more depth in their relationship, more everything, more Viktor, more of  _them_.  Urgency to tell Viktor how much this all meant to him. Because Yuuri didn't even feel like this was real life, real life simply didn't consist of emotions of this size, bubbly and breath-hitching.

Yuuri knew all of it was going to spill over soon. He held too much inside him right now.

Even right now, after spending hours training with Viktor for Barcelona, he still had too much energy in him. Yuuri had showered at the rink dressing rooms and changed his clothes to something more comfortable (and not covered in sweat). Yuuri had wanted to wait until the baths of Yu-topia, but Viktor had insisted he’d take a quick shower here to loosen up his muscles before they seized up. Yuuri’s ankles were sore and he felt a little woozy walking in his trainers after being laced up in skates for hours.

Viktor had gone to make sure they’d have enough practice hours reserved for just for the two of them at the ice castle to maximize rehearsing for GPF. Yuuri was leaning against the wall, breathing deep and keeping his eyes closed for a moment, ears still ringing from the practice, the clean  _slash_ of his skates touching the ice echoing in his ears along with Viktor’s praises, his instructions, his merciless coaching.

Yuuri changed his weight to rest more on his right leg – it was purely on instinct because of an old injury on his left knee years ago.

It wasn't even all about Viktor, why Yuuri was feeling like this all the time - so grounded and dedicated to the moment and yet so far out there.  Yuuri felt more confident, more at peace with himself. He’d expected himself to be completely absorbed in Viktor, unable to focus, but it was the exact opposite. Yuuri felt the strongest he’d been in years, breathing quiet determination into everything he did.

How was it possible that he had a stronger image of himself when he was also having such strong feelings for Viktor? He was still trying to figure that one out. Yuuri wasn’t used to having so much positive, strong feelings for both himself and towards someone at the same time.

He wanted to say all of this to Viktor – how grateful he was for the coaching, how weird it was for him to feel confident as a skater, how  _muc_ h he felt for Viktor, how new and scary all of this was.

“Ready to go?” Viktor’s voice startled Yuuri. Yuuri opened his eyes, found Viktor standing in front of him, dressed in his coat and scarf. He was smiling.

Yuuri’s whole body sang. It reached out to Viktor like a magnet, wanting to be so close to him that there was no space between them.

“Yuuri?” Viktor asked when Yuuri didn’t react to Viktor. It was late, too late to be out here. But they were the only people left in the whole building and Yuuri didn’t feel like talking. He felt rooted to the spot, needing to do something other than just walk back to the inn and go to sleep, start again tomorrow.

“Are you feeling ill?” Viktor said, stepping closer to him and touching his palm to Yuuri’s forehead. He hummed appreciatively when he concluded that Yuuri was alright.

“I feel okay,” Yuuri said, honest. He couldn’t _not_ touch Viktor, so he took Viktor’s scarf between his fingers, feeling the soft cashmere.

“Are you nervous?”

He nodded. Then shook his head. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

Viktor was quiet, letting Yuuri take a long, shaky breath in and then let it out. The moment dragged on, Yuuri’s eyes fixed on his own fingers touching Viktor’s scarf, Viktor’s eyes on Yuuri.

Finally, he looked up at the blond.

“Can we – we could continue skating a little bit longer? No jumps, just – something. I feel restless, Viktor.”

“It’s almost 11pm, Моё солнышко. You need to rest.”

“I  _can’t,_ ” Yuuri said.

“Are you worried about something else than the GPF? You didn’t flub any of your jumps today,” Viktor observed. He knew that if something was bothering Yuuri, it tended to show in his jumps. Today, though, Yuuri had landed every one of his jumps flawlessly.

“Yeah, I didn’t,” Yuuri agreed. And the truth was that he _wasn’t_ worried. Right now, he wasn’t worried that Viktor was going to leave him even if he failed monumentally. Right now, his heart was pulsing in the tempo of

_how can I show Viktor my love?_

_how can I show Viktor my love?_

_how can I show Viktor my love?_

“Моё золотце”, Viktor said, interrupting Yuuri’s internal monologue. He was catching up onto the fact that it was something more  _personal_ that was making Yuuri restless. Yuuri knew this because the look on his face softened and the hard, assertive eyes that wanted to solve a problem, morphed into something tender.

“It's not about the competition," Yuuri said. “It’s –“

Viktor didn't interrupt him by talking over him (something Yuuri had never voiced out loud that bothered him, but something Viktor had picked up anyway). He simply put his warm palm against Yuuri's cheek, his thumb gently stroking it. A signal that Yuuri was supposed to breathe and pause, but that he'd listen if Yuuri wanted to go on.

It was all of  _this_ that was making Yuuri's heart swell, pressing against his ribcage in a way that almost hurt. How perfectly Viktor found a wavelength with Yuuri. Whether it was because they were just that compatible, or whether it was hard work on both sides, Yuuri didn't care. (It was probably both.) This, quieter, between-the-lines kind of communication was important to him. He was braver with saying how he felt, but he still picked up wordless signals better and had so long hoped that someday, someone would understand what he did  _not_ say out loud.

Viktor did exactly that. And it felt like Yuuri was asking too much of him, but at the same time he felt that Viktor had wanted and needed that too. The reassurance that someone understood and saw through your many moods, the different fronts you put for yourself when faced with the public.

“It's - I want to show you how I feel about you,” he said to Viktor, staring into the abyss of his eyes, his eyes that never stopped surprising Yuuri with all their different hues of blue.

“I  _see_ it, Yuuri," Viktor said. His voice was a low rumble, breath tickling Yuuri. He was so close to him.

“Words fail me,” Yuuri shuddered, overwhelmed and overheated. He felt his cheeks and his heart flowing with warmth.

“Your body doesn't," Viktor replied. He always shaped his voice to be without any hard angles, softening the hard consonants that were usual for him because of his Russian heritage. “I see all of it, Yuuri. Your skating – “ he paused and swallowed. “I swear to you. I see everything you’re trying to tell me.”

He stepped closer, which seemed impossible because they were already face to face. “Breathe into it, okay? There's no rush. We're here. It's  _alright._ ”

“It's - I’m-” Yuuri started, then shook in head in disbelief. He was  _bursting_ inside. From good things, unbelievably good things, but also from the weight of the importance of them.

The bow snapped. He took a quick, hitching breath, before he pulled Viktor close to him from the lapels of his coat. It was like his whole body was a burn mark and Viktor was ice cold water, that's how good it felt. Yuuri kissed Viktor. Not for the first time, mind you, but this was the first time Yuuri had taken initiative.

Their relationship has been progressing steadily, day by day, in baby steps, but there have been steps nonetheless. Like Yuuri's skating - with uttermost precision and concentration from both of them. Viktor kept as careful eye out for Yuuri in this aspect as he did when he was watching Yuuri skate, leaning against the railing of the rink.

He put his hands tightly on Viktor's shoulders. He embraced him, standing on his tiptoes to reach Viktor properly. Viktor's hands wrapped around Yuuri's waist without hesitation, pressing his warm palms on Yuuri's skin. Viktor pressed them back against the wall Yuuri had leaned just a few seconds ago.

Yuuri kissed Viktor as well as he could, pressing small kisses on his heart-shaped mouth. The mouth that was so kind, so reassuring to him without making him feel weak.

Viktor let Yuuri leave stuttery pecks on his mouth before taking the lead, slowing them down. An imaginary hand pressed against Yuuri's chest, against his heart, slowing his racing pulse down. Viktor kissed him deep, tongue finding Yuuri's, teeth finding his lips, tugging.

The fire running through Yuuri's veins had everything and nothing to do with how much Yuuri wanted Viktor. It was exactly what Yuuri had needed, and not enough. It was frustrating.

He wanted to  _show_ Viktor.

Yuuri pulled Viktor closer by his hips, pushing their stomachs together. Viktor let out a harsh breath, the flicker evident in his eyes and his hips twitching against Yuuri’s. They kissed again, bodies close and hot. Yuuri wanted to sob because of how good it felt.

“You said my body - “ he whispered against Viktor’s lips. “My body doesn't fail, it tells it you  _better_ , right?”

“Yuuri - “ Viktor sighed. Yuuri could hear his heartbeat against his own chest, his uneven breathing. He was hesitating.

Yuuri’s fingers twitched against Viktor’s shoulders.  “Don't you want to - “

“I do, I do, god, so much. But you're already pushed to your limits, I should let you rest, Моё золотце.”

Yuuri's body visibly jerked at Viktor using a petname, the shock of it morphing into something softer.

“I’m not tired“, Yuuri said, because he wasn't. He looked away from Viktor, trying to stop his heart from jumping out of chest and gather himself.

“And besides,” Viktor continued. His hand found Yuuri's cheek again, turning Yuuri's face back to him. “I imagined… _This_ \-  in a more romantic setting. Maybe rose petals, definitely you spread out on my bed, resting that beautiful body of yours.”

And like that, the storm inside Yuuri turned to a different kind. The fire and the lust were replaced with affection that was bursting at the seams. _Love._ He forgot that he wanted to grind against Viktor against the wall, to show how much he wanted him, because he realized that Viktor was doing the same - trying to show Yuuri something.

Viktor’s cheeks were red when he spoke, and Yuuri suspected that his cheeks mirrored Viktor’s.

“On your bed?” Yuuri found himself asking. He felt his wrists twitch in an anxious manner and he moved his fingers to Viktor’s hair, touching the shape of his skull and feeling the soft, soft hair.

“Yes. Not here. In – in St. Petersburg.”

“Me, in St. Petersburg?” Yuuri asked quietly.

“With me,” Viktor nodded, a shy smile on his face. “After. If you’d want that.”

Yuuri’s breath hitched pathetically, almost like a hiccup. He hugged Viktor then, hiding his face into Viktor’s shoulder, too overwhelmed to look at him in the eye.

“Tell me I'm not dreaming any of this”, he whispered into Viktor's ear. Viktor's cheek got wet with warm tears in mere seconds, but Yuuri couldn't find the strength to care even though some part of him was still embarrassed that Viktor had to deal with this – the sudden display of all kinds of different emotions in such a short time. He was a trainwreck.

“Yuuri~”, Viktor said in that alluring accent of his, the slow  _r_ that Viktor's tongue caressed. His hands were warm and solid around Yuuri.  “There is nothing to worry about.”

“No?”

“No. And if there is, it’s from my part, not yours.”

Yuuri took a step back, enough to look Viktor then, brows knitted together in confusion.

Viktor wet his lips.

“I’m worried about how I can make  _you_ see everything that you make me feel, actually,” Viktor laughed softly, averting his gaze to the ground bashfully, just for a small moment. His laugh had a nervous, small undertone that Yuuri didn’t miss.

In Yuuri’s dreams and fantasies, he’d never imagined Viktor Nikiforov being insecure about anything (how could he have? He’d only seen his skating, his interviews, his posters – everything that was meant to be seen). The real Viktor Nikiforov was standing in front of him right now, the one that had only started to open up to him slowly and carefully.

Yuuri watched at his flushed cheeks and his pale eyelashes against his skin.

“You said there’s no rush, right?” He said, mirroring Viktor’s words. He didn’t suggest that Viktor should start skating again to show Yuuri anything.  He’d caught up on the fact that Viktor’s break from skating wasn’t just because he’d seen potential in Yuuri, even if Viktor hadn’t said anything. Actually, it was the quiet and the absolute refusal to talk about the subject that made Yuuri think that Viktor needed to sort out something on his own before he could return to skating. Yuuri hoped that he could help Viktor find whatever it was that he needed.

He understood that right now, despite enjoying being a coach, Viktor was worried that he might not be able to express himself to Yuuri - and to the world – the same way he’d done for twenty years. He was worried that when he’d finally return to the ice, he would have lost it - the magic of it, the way to express himself in a way that touched everyone.

“We have time. Just breathe into it, Vitya,” he whispered and kissed Viktor’s cheek, nuzzling his nose with his own.

The smile he got in return was full of relief and utter  _love_. Yuuri trusted himself enough to be sure that that’s what it was, silencing the anxious part of him that was screaming  _no._

He had imagined Viktor  _a lot_. Obviously he had. He’d dreamed of Viktor being confident and all easy smiles, falling in love with Yuuri’s skating, his grace. He’d imagined all the things everyone dreamed about their idol.

But he’d never imagined Viktor looking at Yuuri like  _that_. With the same devotion and depth Yuuri was sure he was looking at Viktor. They were mirroring each other constantly, reflecting their love onto each other and back.

Yuuri didn’t always believe his gut instinct. It had been wrong before, his anxiety sending him mixed signals and red flags about everything. And sometimes he didn’t recognize  _actual_ red flags, either, sometimes being so excited and hopeful about things other people would say were insane.

But right now, when every single atom of him was singing,  _this is going to be really good_ , he believed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Моё солнышко - my sun 
> 
> Моё золотце - my gold 
> 
>  
> 
> I rewatched Yoi and remembered how much I adore Viktor and Yuuri and how pure they are together. I felt nostalgic and sad and happy because it's been pretty much a year since i first saw the show. I just really wanted to write something from Yuuri's pov specifically, something about their beautiful beginning and how perfect they are for each other. This turned out to be pretty self-indulgent and plotless but god, i love Yuuri and Viktor so much?? 
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3 Please leave a comment, let's talk about the perfection that is Yuri On Ice! or come talk to me @ [tumblr](http://www.dotingdamen.tumblr.com)!


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